Understanding Coercive Control As a form of Abuse

Aisha Choudhry, MSW, LMSW Therapist, Raksha Inc

On day 6 of #Raksha31daysofDVAM, we discuss control as a form of abuse. Some facts:

It IS considered domestic violence even when physical violence is not present but there are controlling behaviors.
Having to report to your partner when and where you are going every time, it IS a sign of an abusive relationship
Coercive control? is another form of abuse,

Is your relationship based on control?

If you do not do a certain behavior/task, what will happen? Do you feel like you have to walk around on eggshells with your partner, especially after an argument? Do you feel like you are constantly anxious and panicked when you used to be peaceful and calm? Do you feel like your emotions are constantly dismissed? Are you allowed to go wherever you want to go without asking for permission? Do you have to ask before spending any type of money? Are you making big decisions together with your partner or is one partner only making them?

Coercive control:

Coercive Control is a form of psychological abuse where the abuser carries out a pattern of controlling and manipulative behaviors. This enables the abuser to exert power over a victim. Coercive control can include violence, threats, intimidation, stalking, monitoring, emotional abuse and manipulation. This is often done with periods of seemingly ‘caring’ and indulgent behavior as part of the overall abuse. This tends to make this type of abuse harder to spot as its more subtle.

Examples of coercive control:

Trying to isolate you from others.
Keeping financial resources or important documents out of your hands or sharing resources only after extracting a price from you.
Threatening to report you to immigration authorities to have you deported.
Using undocumented status against you to keep you from reporting to police or from leaving the relationship.
Trying to make you act against or give up your values.

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